Want to get off your dating apps and meet someone in real life, but where you don’t have to find out that every cute person at the party is unavailable?
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Want to get off your dating apps and meet someone in real life, but where you don’t have to find out that every cute person at the party is unavailable? You may know or suspect that you are polyamorous, but you may not know how to find other people like yourself, you may just be looking for friends who understand your relationship style and you can talk openly to. That is where The Unseen Lounge can help.

We'll be offering conversation prompts to get you started and have fun with, there’ll be no awkward silences - we’ve got you covered!

Not feeling like answering a particular question? No worries, we'll have plenty to choose from like "When are you the happiest?" and "If you were going to become close friends with me, what would I need to know about you?"

We'll give you ground rules to make sure you feel comfortable and safe sharing the best version of you while still feeling in complete control of how much you divulge.

The Unseen Lounge: Poly speed date is aimed at experienced Polyamorous people and those who are intrigued but not quite sure. We will have our guest speaker (This Kinda Girl) to talk about the wonderful world of Polyamory - The good, the bad and the Google diaries! There will be a Q&A to get real-time, real-life answers and input from all different perspectives before diving into the speed dates.

Poly Speed Dating is an ENM, Kink & LGBTQ+ friendly space, the only requirement: Be in or open to being in an ethically non-monogamous relationship. This includes partnered, single, and solo polyam people. You will get to know the people in our community: make new friends, strengthen existing relationships and of course, find someone to date!

Everyone will be given time with every single other person at the event, regardless of what both people are looking for. Each person will wear a badge with their pronouns and an indication of what they are looking for.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is speed dating?

Speed Dating is a social event where people meet a number of potential dating partners. During the evening you will rotate though several “dates” of about 5 minutes each. After each date, you check off whether or not you are interested in romantically pursuing that person any further. Your choices are collected at the end of the night, and if you and your date were both interested; your information will be exchanged via email within the next few days.

What will the evening look like?

When you arrive, you will go to the check-in table and tell us the name your registered with. We will give you a name tag with your “public name” (i.e.: Jen, Mike, Kitten, Dragon Breath, etc) and your ID number. After you check in there will be some social time and a 30 min talk on Poly / ENM dating with a Q&A. We will then hand out date sheets that tell you what table you will go to and whom you will be meeting there. Each round lasts 3-5 minutes. We will announce when each round ends. There will be a break part way through the evening so you can catch your breath. After all the dating rounds are complete you will need turn in your sheet so we can see whom you checked off as interesting, and then email your matches to you.

How will this event deal with varying sexual orientations and gender identities?

During Pre - registration, everyone will check off what genders they are interested in using a variety of options. They will also check off which gender(s) their dates must be interested in (a representation of your own gender). We will create a sequence of dates that matches each person with their preferences as best we can.

I am interested in dating multiple genders. Will I get dates with people of varying gender?

Yes, rounds are divided so that certain rounds prioritize same-gender matches and others prioritize other-gender matches. This ensures that bisexual people get close to an equal mix of the genders they are looking for. This also means that a straight man may not get dates for every round, as a lot of the women who attend Poly Speed Dating are bisexual and will be busy dating each other half of the time. Though we often have equal numbers in terms of gender, there are usually more people looking for dates with women than men.

How will I fare as a straight man?

You will be fine. We close registration to oversubscribed demographics to make sure that those who come to Poly Speed Dating have an enjoyable time. Understand that while women are interested in you, a lot of the women who come to Poly Speed Dating are interested in each other as well. This means we have the “Bisexual Alternation” system (see previous FAQ question). In a nutshell, you might not date on every round. We do this to ensure everyone is getting a mix of folks they are interested in.

What is your definition of gender?

While we recognize that the issues surrounding dating and gender identity are complex, we are limited by time constraints and group mix. Thus, we have 19 gender check boxes. We understand that this may leave some people out. We would appreciate your suggestions as to how to make this aspect of Poly Speed Dating better for everyone.

My partner(s) and I want to date both as individuals and as a group. Can we?

Unfortunately, no. You will have to choose which way to date for this event. You may register another way for the next event.

How will Poly Speed Dating deal with polyamorous couples or groups (triads, quads, etc) looking to “co-date”?

A group (two or more people) can come looking to date other groups and individuals. Your group and personal preferences are considered when we set up the dates. We do not allow groups to only date other groups, because we usually do not have enough clusters for you to only have dates with other clusters.

What ages do you expect?

It varies, but previous events had ages ranging from late teens to late 60s.

How many dates will I have?

The number of dates ranges from 4 to 14; it will simply depend on who comes to Poly Speed Dating and how many people (or groups) you can be paired with. If it looks like you will have less than 3 dates, we will let you know before the event and offer you a refund. Remember that the more flexible you are, the more people you will match with.

What if I meet someone, I like who I didn’t get a date with?

There is lots of social time at the Poly Speed Dating events, and chances are you will get to meet some really cool people. If you meet someone that you like but didn’t get a date with them; there is hope! At the bottom of your date sheet there is a “cruising” section. If you write their ID number down, we will send them your name and email address. They don’t have to write down yours, and there is no match required. We encourage you to cruise people this way since it removes the awkward social aspects of in-person come-ons. Be shy and use our system!

What if no one picks me?

After each round you would mark “yes” on your date sheet if you liked your date and want to share your information with them. If you and your date both checks yes, we will exchange your info via email. However, sometimes your special someone or someone(s) just did not show up to Poly Speed Dating this time. You can always try again! We get tons of new people at each event.

What if I cancel?

Please update your registration so that our efforts to put on this event for those who do go will be smoother. This event offers no refunds.

What if I have mobility issues?

Depending on the venue we are able to secure, we may be able to offer disabled access. We understand that not everyone can make the dash between tables after each round. As long as you let us know before the event starts, we can make sure you change tables as few times as possible. We want you to have a good time at our events, so let us know if there is anything we can do to make your night better.