What is your experience with "why"?

This is hard to understand, because the English is grammatically incorrect. I think you mean:

"Until you have taken a look at a woman's inbox(es) and really attempted to walk a mile in her shoes, you can't possibly understand why we have little patience. '1 or 2 bad apples'...that's a joke, right?'"

If my understanding is incorrect, please elucidate.

This point is worth responding to, simply because it touches on a real issue, and is itself a slightly noxious bubble that can poison a person's perspective if not thought about holistically.

I concede and admit that I have never had the experience of opening my inbox and seeing dozens, hundreds, or more solicitations from hungry women wanting my body. You are correct in that point.

Because I am a man and I feel physically strong and able to defend myself, I would likely respond the first few times with glee and satisfaction. Alas, life is not fair, and likely only men like Chis Hemsworth/Johnny Depp/some appropriate mix of attractiveness and notoriety ever achieve this kind of state.

I assert and accept that it is different for a woman. Often being physically smaller or in a position of being "hunted", depending of the contents of the messages this type of attention can feel gross, irritatingly frivolous, or dangerous. I can imagine how having a full inbox of mostly unsolicited requests to fuck would become tiring, day after day. Especially if I tried to engage a few people in good faith, and in my Sampling Bias found insults, unsolicited dick pics, or other aggressive and ultimately unwelcome responses.

I dream of a world where people don't regard romance/seduction as "hunter/prey" and inbox requests become more balanced. I don't know how we get there in the current culture. We must smash the Kyriarchy including the Patriarchy...but how?

There are rampant historical stories that venerate "the merry chase", many people who like "manly men" and "feminine women" that adhere to tired stereotypes that promote this kind of behavior.

There's a biological impulses discussed by Dr. Robert Sapolsky in his Stanford Evolutionary courses (available on YouTube like check them out if you have not) essentially men are driven by volume and women are driven by the need to select a good partner for childrearing.

There's all the virtues and perils of being able to communicate instantaneously through the internet. When you're not face-to-face with someone, it's easier to be crass and aggressive. It's also easier to infer/assume intent in words you read that may not correspond to what you would gather from body language in an in person conversation.

Given all these factors, it's a miracle anyone meets anyone at all. Treat each person you meet as such.

I cannot empathize with the female experience because I have not had it. I can only say, " I hear you. I try to imagine. I bet it's hard."

I can also try to put this struggle into broader context. According to the United Nations:
"The United Nations estimated the number of men in the world to be 3,776,294,273, as of April 2017, compared with 3,710,295,643 women." (https://www.reference.com/wo … y-men-world-8e066f56a72027ce)

How many of these 3,776,294,273 have you encountered at least once in your inbox?
100? 1000? 10,000? 100,000? 1,000,000? (Wow!)
That's, proportionately, <1 % of all men until you get to 1M, which is approximately 2%.

People can be rude, mean, and idiotic online. We're having conversations about this on Facebook, Twitter, and even here. But to generalize this too far is to risk poisoning your very outlook on life. For all the skeezy jerks who send you "let's fuck you dirty whore" out of nowhere or retort to your response about "why" with "you're a fat cow anyway", there are literally BILLIONS of men from different cultures, family histories, and experiences that are very likely different.

In that context, "1 or 2 bad apples" is not a joke. It's a reminder.

I guess I did. Thanks for clarifying.

well-done on trying to articulate intellectually with flowery hyperbole when comparing apples with oranges. It seems we have indeed tapped into the problem and a few raw nerves are being touched. "Why" is indeed warranted in non emotive situations, however where a woman subject to advances and unwanted attention their entire life says its a 'no' its a no. No ifs, no buts, no comebacks. If you think throwing a well constructed sentence i to the mix garnished with your disapproval makes your point fact then you are sadly mistaken. If you can't see the emotive and personification aside from the weak comparison you raise then perhaps you ...... ( you're clever enough to conclude the next bit yourself )

PrometheanPair, I'm not sure if you were responding to my last post on this thread. But if so, let me be clear that I am NOT a sexist and was not trying to put out any sexist views. I was trying to make a commentary along the lines of the heart of the initial question "why". OK, please hear me out for a second. From a psychological standpoint, the rule of thumb, when there is a question of "why".. the answer can usually be arrived to after about three iterations of asking "why". This is all I was trying to convey, and actually in support of the OP

. Agree with you on airplanes, et al. But let's let the OP and her story be heard.

Some of the idiotic rhetoric above is a classic example of why someone would be hesitant to answer “why”. As you can see, some of his responses are in fact attacking in nature. His response to me was not as mine was a simple question however he clearly verbally attacked women for being weak, men who challenged him on their grammar etc.

Why would a native English speaker from Spain be listed on a German dating site?

This is where I stopped reading.

@*******Amor
Your answers are exactly the reason why I don't really answer "why"-questions ... you just don't accept the experienses and the answers as you try to value the explanations.


No, it is definitely not dangerous or irritating ... I am just fed up with men not excepting a "no, thanks, not interessted" ... I don't have to explain my reasons at all!

sorry - yes it was meant for the man that could not accept rejection and instead writes his epilogue on why he is vindicated in not accepting the word no.

i do apologize to you Mr Catalonia. I meant this response towards you "well-done on trying to articulate intellectually with flowery hyperbole when comparing apples with oranges. It seems we have indeed tapped into the problem and a few raw nerves are being touched. "Why" is indeed warranted in non emotive situations, however where a woman subject to advances and unwanted attention their entire life says its a 'no' its a no. No ifs, no buts, no comebacks. If you think throwing a well constructed sentence i to the mix garnished with your disapproval makes your point fact then you are sadly mistaken. If you can't see the emotive and personification aside from the weak comparison you raise then perhaps you ...... ( you're clever enough to conclude the next bit yourself )" however having time to read your other priggish monologues i applaud your want to get your point across, and despite writing some beautifully constructed sentences and posting nonsense that anyone will read let click upon, its simple argument. Men should accept 'no'. you dont. we get it. Says pretty much all we need to know about you. no need for long explanations.

I normally ask why they ask. Because they want to learn, convince or feel bad. That helps them a lot to reflect. I gladly help with the learning process. Convincing I see as not respecting my no and I don’t do that.... and the last one... I don’t like putting others down and I tell them that.

Most of the times, after asking the above three options they don’t reply anymore and when they do they are most of the time not true to them-self and me. BUT on the other hand I had some really good conversations with men (and yeah most of the time this behaviour comes from cis guys) who wanted to really learn from me not being interested and I think gained something.... and that is worth every idiot that asked this question I think.

Quite right. No person should ever be forced/bullied into any situation. It's just not what we can accept. +not legal

Someone who reached out to me was mad that I have the Corona Warn app listed in my profile and told me that I’m stupid and this is just the flu. I did not ask him why nor did I offer.

Good times.

They reached out to you to harass you about the Corona Warn App ?? .. or that came afterwards?

Good times indeed ..

PS: I have it too.

was within the first two chats. If he considers someone with an IQ of 144 stupid, I’m wondering what passes for intelligent in those parts.

Does not matter what a troll says. You are doing the resposible thing, like all of us should do

1 or 2 rotten Appels? Sry but you are way of. I am here for a bit over a week. I had ~100 people massage me. 5 were absolut jerks. Telling me my sexuality is not real. Telling me they want me and after i reminded them there would be no touching me because thats what my husband and i agreed on, they told me they dont care for my husbands/my feelings.
Some more i declined short but polite and they still wantet to meet and messaged me.
Around 80! Have never read my profile. How can i tell? Because they wanted exactly what i dont want.
I dont think i have an obligation to answer "why" when my profil clearly would have done that in advance.
If you sent a polite request that fit my describtion than i will answer. And if i dont feel it i will explain why. But to a copy&paste message? Why? The other person spend literaly 2second. Why should i spend more?
Be respectful and polite and the other one will be too.
But its not polite to just text "Hi" and than demant an explanation of why the other dont want you.