Shibari and rope Bondage

*******brat Woman
493 Posts
Thread creator JOY-Team 
Shibari and rope Bondage
Restraints, bondage, shibari - for many of us these terms have a great fascination and for some the emotional, erotic, but also artistic handling of the rope even becomes a driving force in their sex life.

Learn more about Shibari in our A to Z: S is for Shibari

We want to know:

If bondage is something new to you or you're curious to try it or you already have a lot of experience - what fascinates you about it?
If you already have experience with bondage: What tips can you give to newbies?

****shi Man
208 Posts
Hi Servicebrat,

thank you for the posting.

I've been tying since the mid-1980s, and indulged in the Japanese SM scene for many years before 'coming out’ in Germany a decade ago. So, you could say I'm a beginner... and always will be.

The basic tips I could offer newbies would be:

1. The adventure is with your partner. Not with the rope.

2. Learn slowly. Don't rush to suspend. In the end, you'll find you will learn far more from the partner/s you tie than from anywhere else. Grow together.

3. Beware of those claiming how long they've been doing it (see above), who they learned from, what invented styles or schools they follow, etc. These don't ask you why you want to be tied up. Watch out for narcissistic gurus. Most Japanese recognise their fantasy realms.

4. ‘Shibari’ is just a word for which we have our own in our language/s. Beware of those implying what it might mean, or where it might come from when they haven't travelled widely in Japan, don’t speak a word of the language, and haven't played/tied with nationals. Japanese cultural, societal, etiquette, hedonistic, etc. ideals are not the same as ours. We can only hope to scratch the surface.

5. A good teacher will teach how to find your way, not theirs.

6. Be aware of the commercial bandwagon. Lots have jumped on it to capitalise on the unwitting.

7. Be curious. There's far more to rope bondage than just the macramé. The more you understand the psychology, anatomy, etc., the more rounded you will become, and the more pleasure you will find in the adventure with your partner/s.

8. Keep things simple and spontaneous. If you have the end result in your head before you start, there is no adventure. It's more important to find the beginning: who is your partner at the moment? What are their primal fantasies, desires, taboos, fears, etc.? Why do they want to be restrained?

Best respects,
***ig Couple
1 Posts
We second every single word that @****shi as written. Want to add that in Portugal, the community around japanese rope bondage is very active and have great dynamics, if you ever wish to visit the country and experience the bondage
6,933 Posts
I practice rope bondage for about 10 years. Compared to many, that makes me a newbie. Compared to others, it makes me experienced. I'd claim that both is quite accurate - I do know what I'm doing and I have experience, but I'm nowhere near the point where I could claim I could do any tie that somebody else is doing. I'm however experienced enough to be quite sure that nobody ever reached that point, and nobody ever will.

My tip for beginners would be: find somebody to show you the ropes (see what I did there?), but don't try and copy them. Develop your own style, find out what you like doing and how things work best for you. Venture into different styles if you want inspiration. Try to not just learn how people do things, but also why they're doing it that way. This will enable you to make educated choices and gain knowledge in the art you're practicing. It's doing it safely and having fun doing so that counts in the end. There is no "correct way" of doing it - there's lots of ways that don't work, but there's also quite a few that do. A technique having a japanese name doesn't make it superior to others. And if somebody isn't "traditional", it might still be an amazing find. But if traditional is your way for spiritual reasons so be it - as long as it's YOUR way and not just something somebody told you to do.

Also, names are just names. There's amazing teachers nobody has ever heard of, and there is sadly also people everyone has heard of who have no experience beyond their very on narrow approach and aren't interested in teaching anything but exactly that either. If somebody's doing it for free or a small donation or if somebody charges a lot of money doesn't actually mean a lot either. What counts is their experience, their theoretical knowledge about the implications their choices on techniques have, and most of all if their way of teaching it fits your way of learning.
So talk to people. See if you like them. Take lessons with multiple teachers. Try not to pick any guru you follow religiously but rather consider all you've learned from everyone.

Oh, and DO watch tutorials online if you fancy - just PLEASE have somebody show you the basics first and double-check your work. Your bunny is a living person, and we'd all appreciate it if you try and keep them that way. Things might often look easy to the newbie eye - but that's just because you don't know what to look for yet. Trust the experienced ones at that - there's a reason everyone says to go participate in lessons.
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