A Woman's Perspective on JOYclub

My sex life wasn't always a fairy tale. I was ashamed of my desires, and those around me reacted to my dissatisfaction not with suggestions, but with criticism. So, I told myself: no more 100 years of sleep and waiting for a prince, and I promptly signed up to JOYclub. An experience report.

By Sophie_HH93

Once Upon a Time… A Life Before JOYclub

Before my awakening, there was a time when I believed myself trapped in a nightmare. I felt caged in my relationship and my surroundings. Sexual satisfaction, after the initial flush of infatuation, was non-existent. My self-esteem was riddled with doubts.

I was unhappy with my weight. I felt unheard. My sexual desires and fantasies were ignored by my partner. Overall, I found it difficult to open up to my friends and confide in them. I tried to communicate my dissatisfaction more clearly. Sometimes I met like-minded people, but also faced criticism. It dawned on me that women feel ashamed about all sorts of things in life.

They're ashamed of their weight, of faked orgasms, of sexual preferences, of their labia, of unevenly sized breasts, and even of having too much desire. The criticism I received felt like clutching a bouquet of roses too tightly. Society's opinion was like the wicked witch from a fairy tale, and I decided to break that spell.

No Prince Charming Needed

Do you know that Champagne problem, when you have so much choice that making a decision feels overwhelming?

Welcome to the world of a male surplus on internet portals.

My inbox absolutely exploded after I signed up to JOYclub; I had no idea where to even start. From messages that resembled job applications, to short greetings – Hi, how are you – compliments, and the occasional unsolicited dick pic, everything was there. Of course, questions arose for me too: was the man in the photo really behind the profile, or someone else? And since when did I actually like men without hair?

I also asked myself what I was actually looking for. It was about my pleasure. I wanted to experiment without shame; to have dates where it was just about sex. Pure sex dates, without false expectations.

I wrote a short reply to a few men, including one with a bald head and impressive eyes. I liked his overall package. I liked the photo, the way he expressed himself. Shortly after creating my profile, I flew to Cape Town, so for a while, it remained a chat exchange. We had a certain connection in our messages, and I was curious if that would translate to real life. I wanted to meet him.

I returned to Hamburg, and we spontaneously arranged to meet for a coffee. My heart was pounding with excitement. I took a taxi to the Tanzende Türme. He was supposed to wait for me at the entrance there. I was terribly nervous, and as I got out of the taxi, my eyes searched the crowds for the man who looked like he did in the exchanged photos. I spotted him quickly.

He stood casually, grinning at me. We first hugged, then remained standing close. He smelled very good, and I was relieved that I really liked his appearance. He asked me if everything was okay, and if I was happy or disappointed. "All good. And you?" I asked. He was still grinning and said he could have done worse. We laughed together, and he asked, "Coffee?"

We strolled along the Kiez, making small talk. I was still incredibly excited. Eventually, we reached the Tanzende Türme again, and I stood there, a bit helpless, in front of him. Then he just kissed me. I was surprised but liked his direct approach. He asked if I fancied going up with him; the view of Hamburg from his office was supposedly breathtaking.

Woken up: I finally wanted to dive into a life full of pleasure.

©Pexels / Maksim Goncharenok

A Different Kind of Fairy Tale

Down on the street, crowds of people bustled about, cars crept slowly through the traffic chaos, in the distance, I could spot the cranes of the harbour, behind me, his warm, heavy breath grazed my ear as he took me uninhibitedly from behind, standing, on the 21st floor of the Tanzende Türme.

His rhythm grew faster and faster, my breasts pressed against the cold windowpane of his office, and as the tremor on the inside of my thighs swelled into a quake, I couldn't help but let out a loud moan of pleasure. I didn't care that people in other buildings and on the street might possibly see me. All that mattered in that moment was my desire.

In my opinion, there are definitely worse lunch breaks. So, in the middle of the pulsating metropolis, I had my first intentional sex date.

After sex, he barely spoke. I only heard from him occasionally afterwards, but I didn't care. I wanted uncomplicated and pleasurable sex, and that's exactly what I'd had. I felt alive. And on my way back home, I was already replying to new messages.

My Ticket to a World of Desire

Initially, my primary goal at JOYclub was to polish my ego. I signed up to JOYclub after hearing about the platform from a colleague. At that time, I already lived in Hamburg. If I were still living in a small town, I might not have dared to create a profile at all. I was slightly overwhelmed by all the impressions, the endless messages. I researched preferences I had never heard of before and, over time, discovered a huge playground for limitless pleasure.

Sophie's Sexual Revolution

Initially, I was still cautious, but after a while, my original boundaries expanded. Again and again, I overcame my fear and shame. Prejudices disappeared. I started dating shamelessly and experimented wildly. I got to know myself and my pleasure better, meeting people who seemed to have no issue with my curves. It dawned on me: I don't have to be ashamed of any extra weight I might supposedly carry. My shyness about showing myself naked gradually faded.

I could now fully concentrate on my needs. I used to have bad experiences with anal sex, but now it's one of my greatest preferences. Since I learned the term rimming and tried it, "kiss my arse" has a whole new meaning for me.

A few months ago, I met a person with whom I had my first BDSM experiences and will continue to explore them. We watched other partners having sex at parties and in private settings, letting the atmosphere guide us. Soon, I will try watersports. Both active and passive. I'm looking forward to it.

Happily Ever After

Voyeurism, exhibitionism, fetishism, BDSM used to have an obscure character, and today, especially thanks to portals like JOYclub, they have arrived in the sexual everyday lives of many people. The truly beautiful thing is that such a platform shows people that they are not alone with their inclinations and urges. The members are all different, and you can't identify with everyone, but there's a golden rule: handle others' data discreetly and protect their anonymity.

I have gained an inner confidence through numerous dates, exchanges in the forums, and meeting people who are on a similar journey to me. I finally feel alright. I like myself and realise my needs are legitimate. I can show my desire. I know my boundaries. I can and may say yes or no.

I have learned to love my body and don't have to hide. I have kissed myself awake and am finally free.

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