C is for Conscious KinkThe treasures hidden in your darker side


From Temples of Eros

One of my lovers (Paulina's) – an experienced and passionate dom – once proclaimed that those who practice kink own their darkness. Back then I didnt really grasp the essence of what he was talking about. Now, many BDSM experiences later, I do. By "owning of darkness" I understand having an awareness and active relationship with the complex, often painful, in essence, dark, aspects of our human experience. Dark doesn't, however, point to "bad" or "evil" but sits beyond good and evil, in the place of complexity, challenge and, importantly, transformation.

About the authors

Sygulska Tenner

C is for Conscious Kink
Paulina Sygulska Tenner is a keen practitioner and student of tantra, shamanism and conscious sexuality with organisations such as ISTA (also as an assistant). She has experience as temple night host and facilitator, circling facilitator (meditation in connection), as well as a burlesque artist! She’s passionate about open and wholesome sexual expression and creating spaces where others can access their full sensual and sexual potential.

She’s also a deeply spiritual being. She’s just launched her first business book, "Laid Bare: what the business leader learnt from the stripper".

Margot Zwiefka

C is for Conscious Kink
Margot Zwiefka is a psychologist, somatic coach, artist and art therapist. She has trained with numerous tantra teachers and ISTA (also as an assistant), and has years of experience with creating sacred sexual spaces. The desire for expression and empowerment has been the driving force behind both her work and personal journey.

She takes joy in supporting people on their paths towards greater freedom, self-discovery and courageous living. Her work and art are infused with shamanic perspective of the world, creating bridges to the realm of spirit and bringing back inspiration and new ways of seeing our lives.

Website: https://www.templesoferos.co.uk
Instagram: @templesoferos
Facebook: @templesoferos

Many sacred sexuality teachers and practitioners we know don't pay much attention to kink as a fascinating tool to expand consciousness. This may be as kink, in our experience, is often practised in a way which doesn’t allow for its full potential to manifest. However, once you are firmly on the path of exploring Dark Eros in this particular way, it becomes a powerful tool on your personal journey. That’s why in the Temples of Eros, a community we’ve started, conscious kink is one of the important practices.

Watch our Video about Concious Kink:

Let’s take the dynamic of submission and domination. Within the structures of conscious kink it’s the dom’s responsibility – and honour – to hold space for the sub and focus their attention entirely on the sub. The sub has, paradoxically, more of an active role in terms of being on a journey of exploring - and testing - personal boundaries in order to feel truly alive in the moment, heal and even access states of altered consciousness (often referred to as "sub space"). While for the sub it is an experience of expanding their awareness of what they can feel and be, for the dom it is a practice of learning to use power responsibly and be truly in tune with the one they serve.

Trigger warning: following paragraphs contain description of experiences related to an eating disorder.

Through kink we can not only access personal dark instincts but heal past wounds and traumas. It took an incredible BDSM experience years ago for me to truly tap into this potential. In a situation of being dominated within strictly outlined by me desires and boundaries, I (Paulina) was giving oral sex to a being in a male body.

The connection between us was intense and there was a very high degree of presence. Suddenly, a memory flashed in my consciousness of being seen purging while going through bulimia which is a significant trauma still present in my system. I felt the overwhelming self-disgust and shame that used to be my daily reality.

All in all, the experience was cathartic and helped me understand the importance of kink as a consciousness expansion tool.

As the emotional pain brought on by memories increased, I progressively asked to experience physical pain in my body in order to meet the emotional intensity I was feeling. Through breath, sound and movement I was able to loosen the hold of the trauma on me and release a lot of the energy it carried which was stuck for decades in my body (for reference on how this occurs, check "The body keeps the score" by Bessel van der Kolk). All in all, the experience was cathartic and helped me understand the importance of kink as a consciousness expansion tool.

Through kink we can not only access personal dark instincts but heal past wounds and traumas.
Through kink we can not only access personal dark instincts but heal past wounds and traumas.

Stimulation of spots carrying dark energy or trauma in the body (which manifest as physical pain) can transform those sensations into pleasure, with the dom’s presence and attention. It is also possible, by arranging appropriate scenes, to transform the feelings of shame and guilt we often carry since childhood.

I (Margot) have experienced a profound healing of shame, as well as my abandonment wound, in a scene where my friend was spanking my bottom in a very vulnerable position. If we consciously set up a scene of receiving punishment, it can relieve us of vague existential guilt and give us freedom, once the sensations are released in the physical form.

By now we know that when it comes to conscious kink, the sky is the limit and it can indeed transform the world (Seani Wild). It is worth saying that to access this deeper potential for healing, it's important to know what we're doing. We recommend you look for practitioners or workshops that can lead you deeper into the realm of Consious Kink.

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