FLR explanation request

As far as I understood the term, it is mostly a female led 24/7 D/s relationship. Though I guess it's more specific than just "female led D/s", as to my knowledge of the term, FLR always includes a power dynamic especially outside of sex. It says more about how both partners behave towards each other in everyday life, more than it says something about their sexuality.

FLR = Female domination in a relationship, something not unusual for married couples...

FLR is usually D/s, more total dominance. Think 1950’s reversed.

Maybe he has a job, maybe he just stays home, cleans the house, cooks and tends to Her needs.

Most take it to the next level in which She decides if and when he comes, all tasks, schedules etc. D/s but can be married or cohabitating.

I find it fascinating that men seek this kind of relationship but don't realize (or want to acknowledge) the time and (physical, emotional, and financial) efforts it takes for the Domme to create and support such a lifestyle. It is literally all the time.

How is one expected to be self-sufficient and support such an intense and time consuming relationship while managing children and career?

I am not in an FLR. My husband is a switch and I am dominant but we share responsibilities. I also have no children.

I’ve had many subs and as a former very close friend who is a Pro Domme once told me, sometimes it’s just easier to clean your own damn toilet.

My subs in the past cleaned my house but with input constant from me. I enjoyed the experience as most of these men were ultra professional. (Doctor, airline pilot etc).

I now pay a cleaning service but the smell of cleaning products does turn me on a little if the truth be told.

The work of any Dom/Domme is endless and daunting; especially when done right. Initially, I thought it was very appealing until I had several experiences at different levels. I learned after some time it takes more effort than it's worth for me. The subs get the most benefit out of Ds than the Domme in my opinion.

you have to really enjoy it and find someone that you really connect with and it becomes easy. This takes a lot of interviewing to find the right one and weed out the wrong ones. I’d suggest a site specific for that like Fetlife or sklavenzentral but your profile should be extensive.

I started with Fetlife and through subs was referred to the German version: Joy.

I was serious about my male domination for a few years until I realized that most of the men use submission as foreplay or something taboo. It was more about them being deprived and degradated than serving the Mistress and getting joy from her contentment.

I have yet to find a sub who does it as a natural response to interacting with a female without the dramatics.

you know what you want and that is half the battle. You certainly know what you don’t want. Now it’s just a matter of finding that right mix. I’ve had a few long term that I never had sex with. :).

That is a fascinating insight @*******n74 .
If I understood your point, would it be fair to say that ensuring the pleasure of your accomplice and ensuring it is one's priority is a sub's defining attribute, (or one of the main attrbutes).
I can see a parallel with that of a selfless lover here - just that it does not have to be spelt out, as in the case of a sub. 'Or', are we saying, that the role of a 'sub' has largely been misunderstood by many?

Ok, to be fair... I did not read this whole thread completely. But my answer to TopQueen regarding what FLR means, would be that it does not necessarily have dominate or subordinate connotations, just that it means the female (usually) gets to make the decisions in the relationship. Whether that is to play with another couple/person or anything else. I think this is very typical for couples who can successfully and sustainabley swing.

@****zxx

Ds is not a one size fits all kink. Everyone decides what they want and don't want in Ds.

In my experiences with Ds, the subs definitely were enjoying themselves more than I was.

I was enjoying Ds like one enjoys being mischievous while my subs were in ecstasy. Not an equal exchange of enjoyment for me.

If subs removed all obstacles by truly serving and attending my every need, I would enjoy it more.

Thanks for sharing that @*******n74 .

I guess without diverging too much, it would be fair to say that it was not really the lack of selflessness on the subs, or was that really the reason.

It sounds like cuckolding falls into this or am I wrong?
There are so many terms out there is hard to learn them and when they are in German even more difficult to figure out.

cuckholding can be a part as well but that more has to do with Her having sex with others and him not.