I am fearing to meet girls outside that I dont know

Bro. Women are humans as well. Doesn't matter if you keep getting no. Just walk up and be yourself bro. Cheers.

I’m not a fan of some random person walking up to me and assuming I want to date them because I’m not wearing a wedding ring. Many woman don’t want to get approached on the street so it could not be you just that it is not wanted in general.

That’s what dating sites are for. There are many dating sites for different reasons. You might want to try some out based on what you are looking for.

Hey. Everyone, male and female has the same anxieties as you. It’s not about approaching people to hit on them or date them, but talking to people and ‘breaking the ice’. You don’t have to be amusing or entertaining, intellectual or charismatic. You just have to be yourself and the rest will happen. There is no doubt that confidence is an attractive quality, but confidence comes from just doing it. The worst that can happen is that they can ignore you or be mean. If that’s the case, then they are missing out on the trillion to 1 person that is you.

I'm in the same boat and honestly, I haven't approached any woman ever as far as I can remember. Luckily, you live in a time where there's a wide variety of dating apps that you can use. You don't need to do any of the initial approaching anymore if you don't want to.

This is an issue many younger people seem to suffer from, and not to be the grumpy old guy too much, but I think it’s directly related to the internet and use of cellphones.

As the old guy, back in the day, we had no choice but to directly approach women, or men if that’s your thing. If you wanted to date a girl, you had to talk to her... duh! That or be shy and lonely your entire life.

Personally I always found the best way to approach and break the ice with women was/is with compliments. Silly things like: I love the way those shoes make your legs look! I love that blouse, it brings the blue in your eyes out. Then shut up, smile and wait for a response. If she (or he) is interested, it will happen. But don’t be an idiot, or a wimp... close the deal! If things look promising, ask her (or him) if they’d like to grab coffee, a drink, whatever. Oh, always start small though, nobody wants to commit to lunch or dinner so soon. Coffee or drinks to start, if things go smooth, then the lunch or dinner date. Or... if the sexual vibes are flowing, nut up, Bro! Ask them if they’d like to go somewhere more quiet and intimate (use that word so there’s no doubt to what you’re implying). Once again, shit up, smile and wait for a response.

Prost!

You da man

Exactly that second option is why internet and cellphone usage is a great thing for dating.

They *can be great tools for dating, but you’re missing the point. Young folk today have zero game, and it’s sad...

This analogy might seem off the mark, but for those who play golf, it might make sense: One can spend thousands on a set of golf clubs, but you can’t *buy a swing. In other words, learn the basics before you dump a shit ton of money into your clubs...

Guys should nut up and learn to talk to women (or guys if that’s their thing) in real life, nut just via a computer or text message.

@*******int

Why though? Unlike golf, you don't have to pour money into anything.

And women have been doing fine without developing any game for centuries. So why is it an absolute necessity to be able to cold approach women?

Of course women have done fine without game! That’s silly, come on now. In the hetero world they hold all the cards!

Look, I’m not here to convince anyone of anything, but if you can’t function on your own without the aid of technology? That’s your issue.

Prost.

And the downside of apps are , some women already filter you out based on aesthetics on most of this date sites.

The extra point you got, is when you actually walk up to her in real life with confidence ..

Word!

I agree. The problem with apps is that they are based on a superficial notion of what you look like not on everything that you are. As a result, those who are fortunate enough to have been blessed with good looks, or those who are dedicated to a regime of exercise inevitably fair better. The ‘normal’ guy or girl is left trawling through images hoping to get a match while they judge 100s of people in a wild 10 minute spree of swiping. While doing this, they themselves are being judged the same way and failing to develop the important things in life. Like conversation, being non judgemental, physical and sensory communication cues. While there is a place for dating apps in society, the y cannot take the place of face to face communication and rapport building. Ultimately that’s how the human race has functioned since time began and why it is successful in continuing.

That extra point doesn't apply when you're shy and nervous though and becomes a negative instead. Which is why I think dating apps are perfect for shy and fearful guys. Because that bonus point won't work against them.



And that would not be the case in real life?



If you learn those things solely through asking women out for dates then we were socialized in very different ways.



Well, they don't. They just take the place of striking up a conversation with a stranger. Nothing more, nothing less.

I think you are missing the point slightly and taking each comment out of context.
Firstly, good looks in the offline world don’t count for much if there isn’t much substance to you. In my opinion, having not been blessed with good looks, most people that are considered attractive (not good looking) are people who you can communicate with.

Secondly, I’m not saying that you cannot learn to communicate and socialise through dating apps or any other communication channel. However, there have been multiple studies which have recognised the negative impact of social media; online communication, and how this transfers to communication in the offline world. So, I haven’t learned to socialise through trying to pick up women. In fact, if you read my previous posts they aren’t about picking up anything particularly. They are about just being yourself and taking a risk because the worst that can happen is someone saying no - who will invariably have missed out on you!

Lastly, and most importantly, this isn’t about vilifying dating apps or any other method of communicating. This is about supporting each other. Therefore, if you find an app the best place to strike up a conversation with a stranger then you should do that. No one will judge or care how you met a partner as long as you’re smiling and happy.

From my womans point of view: do whatever feels right in ur <3, it guides u all ur life - listen to hear...
If its having a buddy alongside, do it, if its via an app, do it, if its approaching solo, do that, too etc.

Personally, I think approaching the opposite/same sex is an art which can be refined over time - like learning how to inline skate...
The key is in the mindset: if u hold a winners vibration, the response will match ur vibration, ditto for the opposite.

Now, when starting out, one may feel unsure about him/herself, of the outcome; yet, if approached playfully = a No is 1 step closer to a Yes, learning as one goes along. When done consistenly, its only a matter of time until the desired Yes will show up - its the law! Good luck
The femme of DnD

What a brilliant response. Superb. I took the notes. Thank you.

@**on, I understand you, and it happens to us all mostly as teenagers or early 20s. But in today's modern world, I would not cold approach women, although I understand you need the self-confidence. In today's world, it is a losing strategy. Mostly in this part of the world. 1/3 are not interested in men, 1/3 will pretend to be offended, or they might be, and 1/3...well, that could go either way. There are genuinely good women out there and you might need to approach them, gently of course, so the simpler your method, the better. I cannot write out a script, but yes, if you had someone to physically act it out, like I probably could, you will pick up on it in your own way. Or try to go out to parties with a bunch of friends, and then you chat up some of the girls there, that's a good way to approach people in one spot without feeling out of place- in a party, a club maybe, depends, social gathering. In public, a bit difficult, so I would say try in parties and friends social gatherings for a start.,

I never was good in cold-approaching women at my time in a bar or party. Just wasnt my thing.
But it is about confidence, the person feels it. It all changed at 26 to be fair, when I finished university and had time to get fit. Nothing crazy but I guess I felt more confident as i was finally able to bring something to the table (and i mean quality time and not a six pack - just at uni i had to study hard and had little time for flirting in bars). From that time I still am a confident person, but also am cognisant of what I like and dislike in that social chat up situation. First i dont like to go and having to be a performing monkey for a nice looking woman.. she is just pretty and she could have zero human depth for all I know. So i prefer a peer to peer approach and talk like potential friends, most of the times worked for me but also cause i have good playful humour (and i am good looking vs average i must say)

Anyway here are my suggestions:
• do not force it, if you do it will feel forced
• in bars/clubs women are many time in defence mode (too many men approaching then) so its tricky
• avoid cheesy chat up lines like the one above (sorry but it just feels weird to me go on with something like that) - unless you have a strong personal charm.. you could feel awkward
• instead of going through the night scouting hot women to approach, just go through your night enjoying it.. and approach an attractive woman just when you see something happens (around you two) that triggers a genuine humorous (or nice) comment. Talk to her like you would with a friend you could have and know.. most of the time that was a great starting point for me as it was not planned and was genuine.. and let me understand the humour or the style of the person.. and if there was any affinity or chemistry. Women are people like us all, and all they want is a fun empathetic charming guy that also can be a devil in bed (or xyz depending on tastes) and make then feel seen and appreciated for who they are. Not just a pairs of legs.

Of course that is my opinion, and I have high standards.. but here we go I hope it helps.

Ignore most comments.

If you were famous, rich, or had superpowers: would you be afraid? No.

Then you just have to teach yourself that it's normal to talk to women.

Watch and apply this:

It's called "Progressive Desensitisation".

You start doing something that's so trivial that it doesn't scare you. Then you add a little step. Then another.. It happens so slowly that it doesn't scare you.

Talk to 10 girls today and ask for directions. That's it. Is that scary? Probably not. Then you start giving them a compliment after they give you directions, make them smile. When that feels normal like eating drinking and breathing, you start introducing yourself, then you talk another 1 minute, maybe tell a funny story that happened to you recently, then you say you have to go and ask to exchange contact information. This happens over one month and at the end you are always ready to go up to a girl if she makes you excited, and if she's interested, get a date with her, or just have a fun pleasant conversation and make her day. Which isn't bad either.


In a few weeks you will be opening girls in daygame (street, shop, public transport) as if you were already acquainted, making them laugh, exchanging contact info and getting dates.

Ignore (and possibly block) people who tell you that talking to women is "weird" and "illegal" and that you should only use Tinder and know your place. You're a MAN. You're the result of 2 million years of evolution: every one of your male ancestors pulled this off successfully and got an offspring and passed their genes on: you can't be where it all ends. Take responsibility to improve this part of your life, and become a man who can meet any girl he wants, that he has too many options but not enough time (and condoms).

Remember; first you do the thing you're scared shitless off, and then the fear goes away. Not the other way around.

Well said like a boss. 👍