Put the Drink Down

So, back in 2009, I stepped into a world that can be as complex as it is exciting. Swinging! My wife and I joined the scene and haven't looked back since, as the years have gone on we have grown to incorporate kink, BDSM and polyamory into our lives and they all come with their unique thrills and challenges. Traveling far and wide, both for work and pleasure, I've walked into clubs all over the world and been a part of loads of parties and honestly, I have seen some stuff! More over, the things I hear from our community in the Unseen Lounge can be equally thrilling and eye opening as it can be infuriating and sad because here's the thing: alcohol can sometimes take the driver's seat in these places, and that's when things can get a little tricky.

I'm not trying to be a buzzkill. Believe me, I get it – the first time you walk into a swingers' party or a kink club can be nerve-wracking. You're stepping out of your comfort zone, and it's natural to want a little 'liquid assistance' to get you through the door. It's a tried-and-true trick. A bit of booze can make the nerves simmer down and the room seem a little less intimidating.

What I've seen over the years, though, is that a little can quickly turn into a lot and that's when the atmosphere can shift. I have seen arguments break out, fights happen, and relationships crack under the strain. Even worse, there are times when folks have one too many, and consent – the cornerstone of our communities – gets tossed out the window. One of the most disturbing incidents I've encountered involved a woman who had passed out, becoming an easy target for some predatory singles in the club. Thankfully, we had good people around who stepped in, but the mere thought of 'what could have happened' was a wake-up call for many of us.

So let's talk about one of the policies I've seen in quite a few clubs: the 'Bring Your Own Bottle' (BYOB) rule. On the surface, it might sound like a great idea. You get to sip your favourite whiskey or enjoy that boutique gin you love. It feels comfortable, familiar. But here's the kicker - when you bring your own bottle, it's easy to lose track of how much you've had. Before you know it, you're a few sheets to the wind, which is not where you want to be in this setting.

Then there's the issue of security, or rather, the lack thereof. A good club should have a visible security presence, someone or a team whose job is to ensure everyone's safety. But in some clubs, you'd be hard-pressed to find anyone fitting that description. And that's a massive red flag. When the alcohol flows and things start heating up, having a reliable, approachable security team is a must.

Another significant detail to consider when evaluating a club is the presence and behaviour of its management. Like the captain of a ship, the management sets the course for the entire establishment. When the management is absent or disengaged, it can send the wrong message. An absentee management suggests a lack of concern for the club's atmosphere and its patrons' experiences. It might hint at a laissez-faire attitude that can be detrimental to the overall vibe and safety of the club.

Even worse is when you notice the management drinking excessively on the night. Now, there's nothing wrong with the management enjoying a drink or two in moderation, but when they are visibly intoxicated, it's a cause for concern. A drunk manager might fail to maintain the balance and control necessary for the smooth running of the club. And if things go sideways, you want to be sure there's someone competent and sober to step in and handle the situation effectively.

When the management is drinking heavily, it could indicate a disregard for the responsibilities that come with running a club catering to our lifestyle. They're the ones who should be setting an example, and their behaviour can significantly influence the club's atmosphere. If they can't manage their own consumption, how can they be expected to manage a club full of people, some of whom might be new to the lifestyle and looking to them for guidance?

In short, the behaviour and presence of the management can speak volumes about the club's ethos and reliability. A responsible, engaged management team shows that the club takes its responsibilities seriously, providing a safer and more enjoyable environment for everyone.

Finally, keep in mind is how seriously a club takes its own rules. You might think something as trivial as a dress code is not a big deal. But think about it: if they're lax about something as basic as how you're supposed to dress, can you really trust them to enforce the big stuff? A club that doesn't respect its own rules is not a club you want to be a part of.

If you're considering trying out a new club, I'd suggest going for a recon mission first. Drop by on a busy night, just to observe. See how the staff behaves, how the club-goers interact, whether the rules are respected, how security handles situations, and how alcohol is managed. If you're comfortable with what you see, plan your next trip with a bit more intention.

Remember, enjoying our lifestyle isn't a race to the finish line. It's tempting, especially when you're new to it, to dive headfirst into everything. But it's more about the journey than the destination. It's about exploring your boundaries and desires in a safe and respectful environment. And above all, it's about ensuring everyone involved can enjoy themselves without fear or pressure.
So take your time, do your homework, and always remember to put the drink down when you need to. This is a rich, vibrant world we're a part of. Let's make sure we enjoy it to its fullest, responsibly and with respect.