Matching and Ghosting

I don't necessarily take "matches" (nor "likes" on my profile) as an interest in meeting. And neither do I use them as such personally. For me, likeing a profile (no matter if they liked me and it's a match or not) is only meant as a kompliment,kinda like saying "hey, I read your profile, and I think you're a cool bean". I do like profiles in cases where I do think it's a cool person, even if I'm not interested in them, sexually or otherwise.
Therefore, having a match but never actually writing each other is common for me (though i tend to text them in case they want to at least chit-chat some but cannot initiate it themselves), and I do not bother if anybody likes me without contacting me.

Agree with DreimalS. A like is a like, whether for a profile or pic or post. But I recognized as well, that in case of a match, there seems to be the expectation of further contact. I don't mind writing, being just a basic member I can't start a conversation , though.
I think it also depends on the intention of being in JC. Reading through posts, casual chatting, dedicated group activities, frequent swinging events, search for a new partner...

@***zo I must say I completely agree with @*****alS here. There are millions of people on JC and liking a profile here for me is not a commitment to anything. It is more like walking through a city and noticing somebody very attractive for whatever reason. I think we all have these moments where we see someone and think oh that person looks like somebody I would like to get to know better. Yet, we do not go and just chat them up on the street, well at least I do not. Here on Joyclub a profile match is an opportunity to say, oh yes if we ever happen to run into each other we probably should chit chat and see if first profile impressions hold true. So the advantage of JC over a city stroll is that once you are matched with a profile, and they/he/she happen to go to the same event one day you can contact them and follow up ... if we get compliments on our profile or matches we are always flattered but never see it as a commitment to sex or promise to do anything- it is simply a nice gesture.

I think for a lot of people, they "like a Profile", so that the posts, pictures, dates, and events come up on their Pinwall. One click and you can keep an eye on an interesting profile. Doesnt always mean a Match and a Meet. Convenient way to "Bookmark a Profile".

@***zo I hear all perspectives, however, I find it quite interesting that this happens on a sex app. I would understand if this was the case tinder, bumble, tumblr or somewhere else... but on a direct sex dating app, I guess people expect different!
I have profiles I like just because it is cool or what but, but I make that clear that, hey I admire the photos and that’s it. Those I am interested in, I make my intentions clear as well. People who just sit on this app to find friends (without benefits), chat and stuff, I sometimes wonder how lonely, bored or unoccupied their lives are. 🤷🏾‍♂️ (I’m just saying) each to his own tho!

I think it’s a level of maturity, respect, decency I guess. “Treat others how you would like to be treated”.
But in the case of women, they generally could care less if you get a message or not, they think about themselves first before anything else. You gotta get used to that, and do the same too. As a man, you gotta always control your narrative. What you don’t want, don’t tolerate, what you want, you can welcome.

Appreciate the replies here. Thanks for the feedback. I guess I should clarify that my post is directed more at those that have matched, read your message to them (and not the “we matched” message; a personal message) and then ignore you.

And yeah, I guess we all have different approaches here with how we use the tools provided to us. For non-paying members, matching someone is pretty much the only way to have the chance to communicate with someone you know you’re into (besides someone random complimenting you or messaging you) — right? So I think some people do use that as somewhat of an intention to communicate.

Additionally, I think some are rather conservative with their likes whereas others are a lot more loose with it. Personally, I don’t like people that I know I would never engage with through messaging. And if I match with someone, they message me and I am no longer interested for some reason, I tell them that and delete the match — not ignore them and leave them hanging. That’s all.

Again, appreciate the comments.

@*********um_HH so you speak of respectful communication and approaches while totally dissing women as "they generally could care less if you get a message or not, they think about themselves first before anything else."
That statement is neither a decent nor respectful approach to women. Nor is it an informed thought process, the reality on Joyclub is that there are many more single men on here- who tend to look for nothing else than "quicky- sexual gratification". You have no idea how many times I responded to compliments just to be nice and polite and the guy immediately took this as an invitation to key-board masturbate. No woman should ever be expected to give out sexual freebies - we are not "sexual-welfare distribution centers" even if we have a photo in JC. I have set our profile on "not searching" for this reason, although in reality we are always in for a good time. Yet, I ,as the woman, am just fed-up with unsolicited dick-picks or crudely articulated deep dives that represent not only an insult to my intelligence and aesthetic sensibilities, but above all really spoil my morning coffee mood. I like that with coconut milk not sperma (imaginary or real), sorry! So this is me on a couple profile- now imagine the profiles of single women..

@*****d79 A "like" does NOT make anything appear on your start page. Bookmaring somebody / puttig them in your contact list does. It's not the same thing - and peopel can't see if you add them to your bookmarks or not (not even premium members).

@***zo Thing is - a lot of people aren't on here to date. They're here for the forums, to post, share and/or watch pictures/videos, search for events and check who else is there, or stay in touch with friends they met on events. Joyclub isn't (only) a dating site, or a swinger site, or another single thing - people come here for a variety of reasons.
So, somebody might like you, maybe realize it's a match (mind that basic member can't see if you liked them before they like you), but have no interested in chatting. Sure, they cluld reply to your message with a "no, thanks, not interested, just thought your profile was cool" - but considering the vast amount of (mostly bullshit) messages especially women get on here, I perfetcly understand they don't have the time or motivation to reply to them all.

A "match" for me means nothing more thann "I think they/their profile was cool, and they seem to think the same about mine", and that's about it. And you can't really base a conversation on that. But why delete the match, just because one side (or both) do not see a "match" as a "we match", but only as a "ok, cool, we might mutually fgind something intreresting in each other"? It's still a valid point and I don't see why I would "take it back" just because it's nothing more.

I've actually liked profiles of people I didn't have any interest in, just because of the way their profile was written, or how thought-through it was, or how reflective they appeared to be. If they had contacted me, we would likely not find any common topic to chat about, so why even try.

@*****alS Good points. Thanks! 🤙🏽

And thanks to everyone else for your input.

again, some Gold Nuggets from the Forums...

I think the main point is that Joyclub ist NOT a dating app... and the like is pretty much the way as described per the Quote.
It took me a rather long time to figure that one out...

a second factor is the sheer volume of this platform, and this forces the users to be a bit more selective of their time... and with whom they spend it.

but to get back to your statements of not responding to likes. This is the pain you have to suffer as a Free member. If you pay, you can play.

This still still does not mean that if some woman, that liked your profile, and is now in close proximity, has a desire to to fuck you... it's just a compliment. I mean I don't get a hard-on when someone at work tells me I look good in my new shirt, and then try follow them in the bathroom expecting a blow-job.

( if you do try this, you might have a HR problem )

but you are arguing that "this is a sex app" or is it not ?

Well in my experience, and I have been on and off a couple of times as paid member, is that it's more a community, than a quick fuck.
Not excluding the latter in any way.

The people are more mature, respectfull in general, and the diversity is much... Much bigger than a ONS. This platform covers a very wide variety of sexuality, and the dating app feauture is maybe not like "Tinder...", but the people are real.

or maybe it's just the feaver that has your balls in a tight grip, and you'r getting frustratet.
In that case I can just say

" I feel you Bro..."


PS: Masturbation is not a sinn.

@*******er21 Thanks for the reply. I've been a paying member on and off a couple of times as well, so I understand the tiered features. And I know it's not just an app to find sex. It's definitely not just facebook though.

I would never expect someone to reply to me after simply liking or matching with them. And I don't have the mindset that if someone likes me that they want to fuck me. There's no expectation there and I didn't imply that.

What I'm addressing is when you message someone (who has matched with you), they read it, then choose to ignore you. So I'm like, "why are you even liking me if you're going to ignore me when I try to communicate with you?" That's my expectation — literally just responding to someone that you liked yourself. So, it's a matter of courtesy essentially (to me). That's it. But maybe that's even too much to expect haha.

But yes, it is frustrating. I'll survive. Just needed to rant.

Well, on that point I agree with you. Fortunately I never had it happen like that 'til now.

@*********rlust i only stated what I know as facts. I don’t diss women else I wouldn’t be here. Women tend to have more options on dating apps as they get loads of messages, likes etc. I can imagine it is exhausting.. now I know guys can be horny but I didn’t know they get all freaky and nasty at the jump from a “thanks” without communication.
Haha No one is a sexual welfare distribution. We all decide if we’re sexually attracted or not before meetups and that’s understandable due to people’s preferences.
There are still those girls that play games. Girls and gay guys that are interested just because you are a bbc, which is not my preference either but I handle everyone that approaches respectfully with mutual respect.

I think we both agree that decency and respect can or should get you a better outcome as in replies or dates.

@*********um_HH Thank you for your kind reply... yes respect and decency are the most important always, no matter who or what one (thinks one) is

@*********rlust by the way, whenever you find yourself up north with some time to spare, and the date fits, I could always invite you to some good live music events that are organized by my agency.
All the best!

You're not alone in this regard. I have been on Joy for six years and I would say a majority of men are also interacting with me this way when they match or send me messages. It is clear that most are not reading profiles and are just looking at pics. Just sending messages to be fan boys/fan girls. At least, that's how my grandiose ego looks at it. 😂

I kind of figured those end-users come here for their porn fix than seeking meaningful interactions or actually meeting with people.

However, the Joy community is so much more than sex. With experience and communication like posting rants, you will find the best way this app can serve you.

That unfortunately seems to be a new normal in the online world in general, not only JC. Even with Tinder, Bumble and Co. you get plenty of matches and then... silence.
One would think, it shouldn't be so difficult to communicate openly, if you're really looking to meet new people. But then again, a lot of people collect matches for an ego boost.

Triple facts

Totally agree with you. Makes me think that either the 'like' button doesn't really mean a thing. Or, this model/plattform is outdated. Also really hard to tell how many bots are on this site.

when i first liked someone and then asked what that means now i got a pretty cool answer: we are not on tinder. cool. get that. But, what is joyclub then? I don't get it, I admit that.

Very interesting viewpoint, thank you for that. But what is joyclub? Is it a dating site, a forum with stories to tell and share? I mean you mentioned that in your post, it is pretty much all of it, and maybe because of that It makes it sometimes hard to tell.

JoyClub is mostly a platform for adults who don't feel like their sexuality is something they want to keep for themselves alone
No matter if they're looking for people to share it with, events to participate in, information about specific kinks they want to try or just a board to discuss things on - you can do you all of that.

i experienced the same, i quitted tinder and other platform for the same cause. i thought here would be crystal clear, i came here to find women to have sex and this app is only about sex but it comes as it is in tinder. add to that, we men have to pay. i wish i could find prostitute who are healthy and safe and i will treat them the best i can

That unfortunately seems to be a new normal in the online world in general, not only JC. Even with Tinder, Bumble and Co. you get plenty of matches and then... silence.
One would think, it shouldn't be so difficult to communicate openly, if you're really looking to meet new people. But then again, a lot of people collect matches for an ego boost. [/quote
https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/JOYclub