R is for RoleplayBe who you dare to be

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Feel a bit self-conscious playing make-believe? Maximise your roleplay experience by tapping into how you want to feel as another version of yourself or an imaginary character.

From Lara AKA Divine Theratrix

I remember the first time I did roleplay with a romantic partner. I felt self-conscious and weird, worrying that I would look silly or that my performance would not be convincing enough to make the scene erotic. It was not until some years later when I was working as a pro-Domme that I finally got it and saw what roleplay was offering me. When I reframed my understanding of roleplay from a situation where I would be giving a performance for someone else, to one where I was given permission to show up as other versions of myself, I found it exciting rather than anxiety-provoking.

About the author

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Lara AKA Divine Theratrix is non-binary person who uses she and they pronouns. They are a qualified integrative therapist and have been working in the sex support industry since 2018. Lara has her own playspace in London where she conducts conscious kink sessions and playshops for folks who want to learn, heal, and have fun. She is particularly passionate about reframing kink and bdsm simply as forms of adult play rather than deviant behaviour.
Website: www.divinetheratrix.com
Instagram: @DivineTheratrix
Twitter: @DivineTheratrix
Joyclub profile: divine_theatrix

Roleplay is where players in a scene agree to act out or perform the part of persons or characters other than themselves. An obvious example is a specific type of kinky play called pet play, where one person adopts the behaviours of an animal that is owned, trained, or otherwise handled by the other person. Roleplay can be simple like this, or it can be based on detailed back stories that inform how the players perceive and therefore feel about each other.

In either case, I think that understanding how you want to feel is key to you enjoying your roleplay. When you are clear on what you are doing and why you are doing it, things flow much easier. For example, when I am playing with a pet as their Handler, I want to feel amused, warm, and nurturing. Knowing that, I naturally drive play in directions where scenes that give me that emotional pay-off are created. I instruct my pet do to tricks that make me laugh, I encourage them to come to me when they do well, and I give them lots of affection.

Watch our Video about Roleplay:

In the kind of roleplay where there the characters have back stories, you can use the stories to imagine what sort of emotions would be present for the characters and how it would feel to be them; you must imagine how your character would feel and more than that, ask yourself:

  • How would they hold themselves? i.e. what would their posture be like.
  • How would they talk?
  • How would they laugh?
  • How would they move around?
  • What are their motivations and desires? Can you temporarily imagine what it would be like to have those motivations and desires?

You become a method actor. You become your character. All traits are in all of us. The less desirable ones are repressed into our unconscious mind (also known as the 'shadow') but they are still there and can be called forth to be acted out as make believe.

You become a method actor. You become your character.
You become a method actor. You become your character.
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I find that using back stories to build narratives for characters is not only a useful device for heightening the intensity of play, but it also allows one to compartmentalise how we feel about taboos, for the sake of eliciting desired emotional responses in ourselves or others. For example, we can all agree that kidnapping a person is wrong and should not happen. However, if our play partner wants to feel helpless and overpowered, we might oblige them by imagining a character who has an obsession that drives them to kidnap the object of their desire.

As always, communication and negotiation between partners before engaging in roleplay is super important to ensure that you both feel safe and happy with what transpires.

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