H is for Humiliation


Text by poppyscarlett and video with Cnr_Aphilia


What is humiliation play?

Humiliation is a type of BDSM play, usually engaged in by a dominant and submissive partner and is a type of psychological sadomasochism. It’s the art of making someone squirm for their gratification.

About the authors

Poppy Scarlett is the owner of Self & More sex toy boutique, a sex educator and a masturbation advocate (aka a proud wanker). An openly polyamorous, kinky and queer woman: Poppy is a professional over-sharer who aims to combat sexual shame and normalise talking about sex and relationships with radical honesty.

You can find more from her on Instagram and YouTube.

Conor is head gimp and editor of the Paraphilia Collective, a kink focused research group and publication house. He is interested in the emerging discourses in B.D.S.M as it forms a new and more public relationship with contemporary society. His role has allowed him to engage with academics, thinkers and creators within the kink sphere and gain an insight into the most progressive thoughts in the culture of Kink.

You can find more from him on Instagram

Humiliation kinks can be played out in many ways, both verbally and physically. This could look like the dominant figure making the submissive perform tasks, expose themselves or admit something embarrassing.

Of course, embarrassment is subjective and the key to a successful scene is to get into the head of the submissive and figure out exactly what buttons to push. While one person might relish the opportunity to be paraded around a play party on a leash another might feel searing embarrassment at the thought.

As with any BDSM play, it’s important to consider boundaries and limits, things said in the heat of the moment can leave a lasting impression after the endorphins have worn off (you can watch the accompanying video to this article for more on that). Make sure you understand what phrases, names and statements are considered fair game and which might be a step too far, and ascertain a safe word before you get stuck in.

Ok, let’s get into some of the varied ways to make someone blush.

Watch our video about Humiliation:

5 ways to introduce humiliation into kinky play

1. Objectification

Remove the submissive’s humanly autonomy and turn them into an object, not deserving of even the most basic of human rights. Humans make very effective footstools, lamps, tables, ashtrays, and dolls.

2. Insults

Ah, emotional sadism. Whether it’s SPH (small penis humiliation), slut-shaming, pointing fun at their general worthlessness or something more specific, verbal humiliation is extremely popular and the intensity of the play can be easily tailored by how deep you go into the humiliation rabbit hole.

Many submissives who are into receiving verbal humiliation enjoy hearing their specific trigger words repeatedly, so repetition can be your friend here.

3. Playing with bodily functions and fluids

Now we can really get creative! Playing with fluids could be as simple as turning a submissive into a receptacle for saliva or worshipping someone’s stinky, smelly armpits to force-feeding a sub water until they piss their pants, and then laughing at their expense.

Here we’re either taking control of someone’s bodily functions and making them do something which would generally be considered as embarrassing by society at large or making them take pleasure in something ‘disgusting’ for your own entertainment.
For some, the simple process of begging for pleasure or gratification is enough to send them red in the face.
For some, the simple process of begging for pleasure or gratification is enough to send them red in the face.

4. Exposing them

You can play with the embarrassment that accompanies feeling exposed, seen and made fun of. That might be through making them wear something revealing at a play party, instructing them to take nude photos in compromising positions, telling them to spread their cheeks so you can inspect their holes or making them wear clothes or lingerie that are associated with a different gender identity to their own.

5. Making them beg

For some, the simple process of begging for pleasure or gratification is enough to send them red in the face. For others, the truly satisfying humiliation comes from begging for something that is generally considered to be disgusting or out of the ordinary. That could be pleading for the right to clean your dirty panties with their tongue, to eat dog treats, to go to the toilet or to be trampled all over.

There is so much to explore within the varied world of humiliation, plus, it pairs very well with other types of kinky play, such as bondage. One final note - figuring out what aftercare is going to look like for both parties is crucial here, think about how you will reconnect or reassure each other after the scene is complete, and if you’re exploring something new then take time to reflect on how it felt and what you might want from humiliation scenes going forward.

Happy humiliating!

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